So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
