i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
two words...techno handjob
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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