The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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