I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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