Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
