im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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