dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
