Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
