dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize