I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
