Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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