can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
