I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
