How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
