He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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