there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
