the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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