He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
