She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
