Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
