Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
