i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
