we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize