wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize