did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
