the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
