I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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