I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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