this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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