Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
