A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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