just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
