So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Houston, we have a blender
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
