My sheets look like a crime scene.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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