You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
