My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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