I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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