I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
