so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
