When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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