she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
