idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
