I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
