hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
