Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
