i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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