I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
