I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
