I must be too annoying 4 u.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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