i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
