Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
