I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
NoShamevember. You game?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
