Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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