i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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