it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
