I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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