I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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