its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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