so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
