I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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