Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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