We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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