So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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