Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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