She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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