I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
