In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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